Perspective

Two of my sisters-in-law are the inspiration for this post.  Both are very creative writers.
One sister (shout out to JULIE) occasionaly writes on her family blog as her 2 year old daughter.  Even her 4 month old son recently wrote his debut blog post.  These posts are written through the child's perspective, complete with phonetic mis-spells.  My other sister (shout out to KARI) takes  mundane, everyday items and brings them to life.  She has infused more life into objects such as stairs and dust bunnies than the average character in a dime store novel.
So what makes their writing so witty, creative, descriptive and full of life?
I think it comes down to one word:  PERSPECTIVE.
They put themselves inside a child's mind, or in the mind place of an ordinary objct, and then think like that child or object (if an object thought, that is).
Where am I going with this?
Well, I think it connects well with our discussion on relationships.  If we purposed to get inside the other person's head and view the world from their perspective, we might be less likely to judge what they say or do.  We might be more likely to understand what they are meaning to say and do, instead of focusing on how it offends us.
I try and keep this in mind when living with my husband and three children (which I do 24/7 - :)
Why must my toddler take for-ever walking from point A to point B?!?  Must every ant, rock, leaf, and fire hydrant be thouroughly inspected?  Well, if I was just discovering the world around me and toddled only 2 feet off the ground, I imagine I would be fascinated, too.   When my husband is 10 -TEN- minutes late for supper I can think "How dare he.  We are all waiting for him and couldn't he be more considerate!"  When from his perspective, that extra 10 minutes speaking with his boss avoided 2 hours of extra work the next day.  Not to mention the respect of his boss, whom it's important to keep happy.  When my children run around yelling non-sense words at the top of their lungs, are they purposely trying my sanity?  Or are they just being kids and enjoying each other's creative company?
There are, of course, more serious examples, but those 3 come to mind this Sunday afternoon.
I think I'll try and keep things in perspective this week by considering other people's perspectives.

Interactive
Have you ever experienced a situation where fresh perspective helped the relationship - or at least your attitude concerning the other person?

Family Personality - Affecting Our Adult Relationships

This is a continuation of discussing how our past influences our adulthood relationships.
Again, I want to make it clear that I hold no degree in child or family psychology, so the following ideas really have no clout, whatsoever! ;)

I personaly feel the family environment (personality) in which we were raised plays a very important role in who we become as adults. Specifically, our adult relationships.
Were your parents out-going extroverts who loved to party and get out on the town? Or are they introverts who prefered a quiet evening at home, relaxing with a good book? Did your family settle arguments with shouting matches or well-ordered court room like debates? Or did they ignore problems and never directly deal with anything?  Did your family love the outdoors and camp every chance, or was your idea of outdoor time walking the dog around the city block?

Granted, there are several examples of the "black sheep" of the family. God has wired us all different. But if our family personality was to play rowdy, rough-house games and boistrously laugh at one another, then we will most likely behave like that as well. Makes it kind of awkward for the more introverted in-law who is used to family gatherings consisting of calm, quiet, sit down games and talk. And while the introvert certainly knows how to laugh, the constant ribbing and teasing and loud laughter may appear to be mean or too much noise.

STOP, STOP, STOP.

I'm going to shift gears here.   Yes, I believe a person's childhood family personality plays a huge roll in how s/he relates to others as an adult.  But there are too many variables and circumstances to try and tuck it neatly away in one blog post.  Especially when, in truth, I know nothing of substantial consequence about how the past effects our adult relationships.

However, in thinking about adult relationships, there is a nugget of truth worthy of sharing.  I will use family personality to illustrate.

In my family growing up, ribbing and teasing were normal. But I have to watch how I tease others because they may take offense at my teasing if they grew up in a different family dynamic. Conversely, I can not be offended if someone else acts/behaves differently than what I think of as "normal". They probably just grew up in a different family environment than me.
I think a lot of relationship issues could be resolved by people being slower to judge someone elses intentions.

We filter what people say and do according to our past experiences. We need to remember that others have different past experiences.  So in probably the best part of this post, I'd like to leave you with a Bible verse:

James 1:19 - Eveyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

There.  I am done discussing the "past affecting adult relationships" .  I know I said spirituality was number 3 and promised a 3-post series, but why ramble when I have nothing productive to say?  Yes, I know that has not stopped me in the past,  but I like to think I occasionaly learn :)
I'll just give you the one thing I know to be true about spirituality affecting adult relationships:
Jesus Christ is the key.  When we know and accept His great love for us, we will want to treat others with love and kindness.  And isn't the golden rule the basis for great relationships in a nutshell?
(John 3:16) (John 13:34,35) (Matthew 22:37-40)

Interactive:
Any last thoughts on how a person's past effects adult relationships?
Any ideas for future topics you would like to discuss on this blog?

Economic Past - Affecting Our Adult Relationships

Discussing the past, I thought perhaps we could chat a bit how family influences who we are as adults.   Specifically our adult relationships.  (Thanks, Keely, for the idea).  I want to make it clear that I hold no degree in child or family psychology, so the following ideas really have no clout, whatsoever! ;)

I personaly feel the family environment in which we were raised plays a very important role in who we become as adults.  Specifically, our adult relationships.
I think there are 3 main areas of influence:  Economic, Personality, Spiritual.  I've decided to break this up into 3 posts.  Today I will focus on Economic.

Economic.
I know money can not buy happiness.  But it can buy piano lessons, ice skating lessons, private schools, family vacations, and cultural functions (museums, sporting events, rodeos, concerts, zoos...).  All of these experiences shape who a person becomes.  I know, I know, the library is free and reading can take you on many learning adventures.  But actually experiencing something is more powerful than reading about it.   Hearing a CD recording of Mozart is an entirely different experience than playing it for yourself.  Reading about Europe and personally seeing, hearing,breathing, living in that culture for a few weeks are incomparable. 

All this to say that a child's interests, rather - developement of his/her interests,  are greatly influenced by the economic status of the family in which s/he grew up in.  And interests lead to career choices and the way we enjoy life.  (I can't go play the piano for relaxation if I don't know how) (I might not become a marine biologist if I never experienced a trip to the coast and stood knee deep in the ocean).

And the way we enjoy life influences the kind of friends we have.   We tend to seek out others who have common interests and similar lifestyle.  I think we could all agree that the lifestyle of the rich and famous is different than, shall we say, the lifestyle of me?!

This brings up another reason economic status influences our relationships.  If I am a "saver"  (due to growing up with little money and stuck in the mindset that money is limited), I am less likely to have close friends who enjoy flying to Las Vegas for regular girls' weekend get-aways.  If I grew up with a ton of money and am used to buying whatever I want, whenever I want, it might not be a good idea to date a man who is happily employed as a social worker.  

Having said all the above, please do not mis-read what I am saying.  Can a child who never visited a zoo become a veteranarian?  Certainly.  Can a millionaire's daughter be happy in a loving marriage to a factory line worker?  Absolutely.   I just think the economic standing of a family influences the probablity of such things occuring.

Interactive:
What do you think?  How did the economic standing of your childhood family influence your adult relationships?

Before Keely asks me, I'll answer the question myself:
We did not have much money at all growing up.  It limited my experiences.  I was unable to participate in school trips.  There was no money for piano lessons, let alone a piano to play on.  Vacations were camping in local parks, not trips across the country to visit historical landmarks.  We didn't have a 3,000- sq foot home on 5 acres of prime land. (most people don't, I know...)  ANYWAY, I think I tend to be more of a saver.  I wouldn't pair well with a husband who was a spender.  (Dan is a saver, as well). 
Adversely (probably discounting everything I said in this post...) the lack of travel and money for eating out has probably amplified my love of exploring and trying new things.  I love to travel and go out to eat at nicer restaraunts.  It was important to me to marry a man who would A) have a reasonable chance of making pretty good money, reliably over time so I could enjoy these things and B) a man who was interested in travel and , well - eating.  (This may not totally relate to money, but it is nice to afford eating at nice restaraunts and try new, culturally diverse foods with my husband).
Also, I think some of the deep-seeded desire I have for a really nice house stems from the lack of a really nice house as a child.  Perhaps I would be more content if I weren't secretly trying to achieve something missing from childhood. (and perhaps that is just an excuse and I need to get over it!)
Now, having said all that, I do not feel I had a horrible childhood and never got to do anything.  I loved to read - which is almost free.  There were travel mission trips I was able to go on through our church (church fundraising).  Joking and laughter is always free. I know true love and happiness is not bought with money, but rather on God's love and the love of family that accepts you for who you are, not what you can buy.

So basically, I know nothing about how economic status of your childhood affects your adult relationships.
There are too many variables.
Thanks, Keely, I feel less smart than I did a few moments ago.  (can I blame it on my lower economic class childhood?)  :)

Reflections on my Past

Keely challenged me with a question last post.  She wanted to know about my past
and wrote in the comments section:   How have you incorporated the good and bad into who you are today?
Um, Kee-ly.  What do you think this is, an interactive diary?  You want me to be real, or something?!?

Personally, my biggest regret from my younger-years is that I did not live more boldly (grass always greener on the other side, eh?)  More casual dates with boys.  (I mean, I know every date is a potential mate, but I was wayyy too picky about even going out on a simple date.  But don't get me wrong, I'm happy with who I ended up with ;)   I wish I would have snuck out a bit more.  Been more involved in school.  Gone on a real college spring break trip.  I wish I would have spent more time researching and discovering my talents and how to best use them earlier on in my life.  (career wise or missionally).  How this has shaped me is that it is harder for me to truly relate to a wider net of people.  I don't carry a lot of real-life living hands-on learning wisdom.  I'm just now starting to discover/deepen/utilize my God-given talents.

I am grateful there are no long-term consequences I need to deal with, which frees me from deep guilt issues.  But this also dilutes my feelings of God's Mercy.  Of HIS freeing me from my sins.  It is harder to truly feel "set-free" and "forgiven" when I don't feel I've been truly bad.

This of course brings up self-righteousness and holier-than-thou issues.  God truly has worked on me over the years concerning Pride and Judgmentalism.    It is by the grace of God that I didn't make any "major bad" choices.  It is by the grace of God I knew of HIS love for me from an early age.  It is by the grace of God I grew up in a free country with plenty of food in my belly.  It is by the grace of God I never found myself in a predicament where I had to make a tough, tough choice with long-reaching consequences. 

That might not be what you were looking for, Keely, but that is what got spat out on this post :)
Feel free to ask further questions. 

What to pAst?

Hmmmmm,
What to post?  What to post? I have to post something,  or I won't make my goal of at least two posts a week.
Maybe I should write about my past as three times straight, I keep accidentally typing "pAst" instead of "pOst"......
I don't particularly find my past that interesting, except to realize that I now have more of a past than I would like to admit.  I turn 34 this year.  I think I can remember when 30 seemed old.   I assure myself that it's true what I've heard - 40 is the new 30 ;) 
Time sure is relative, isn't it? 
I remember 3 years ago when a friend introduced me to an older woman at a community function.  I remarked that I had 3 children, at which point the older woman's jaw dropped in shock to learn I was old enough to have 3 children because I looked so amazingly young (ok - that part might be a teensy bit exagerated, but the next part is true) - and so she asked me how old I was.  Honest to goodness my mind froze.  I.  could.  not.  remember.  Thoughts of college days flashed before my eyes and they didn't seem that far away, so I stupidly stuttered - (and I quote) -  "23,...  27,.. I,..  I mean 30!  I'm 30!"
I think older lady went away pretty impressed with this brunette bimbo.  I hope so, because this brunette bimbo went home a bit depressed.  I was no longer in my 20's and college days suddenly seemed a looooong time back.  I realized I was in a new stage of life, never to relive the 20's.

BUT -I am now comfortable being a 30-something.  I'm married to a wonderful man who I realize with each passing year I am unworthy of (trust me, I used to think it was the other way around, but that's another topic).  God has blessed us with 3 healthy, happy children.   We know of Jesus love for us.  We are blessed to live in a free country.  I could go on and on, but this is not about blessings, this post is about me being in my 30's.

So as I was saying, I am now in my 30's.  And 30's are good.  (right 30-somethings?)
I may sag and bag a bit more, but it's from bearing 3 children.  I might not be able to stay up quite as late as often as I used to, but fortunately there are no more mid-term exams that require me to.  I may be driving a fancy, sporty mini-van, but at least it's not the old '77 Vega which required 1 quart of oil a week.  Yeah, I bought oil by the case.  And my big shopping sprees may now revolve around kids clothes and toys (even when I attempt to shop for me), but those things are for my kids.  Kids I used to only dream about and make up names for as a child and wonder what they would someday look like.

I'm grateful for where I am at in life.  I am in the young family stage.  My children still think I am the coolest thing on earth.  I'm still young enough to play with my kids at the park or run up and down the stairs 100 times in a day.  Yet I'm a bit wiser than when I was in my 20's.  I'm that many more years in love with a wonderful man.  That many more years I've seen God's goodness and faithfulness in my life.

Thanks Lord for my life.  Help me make the most of it -  decade by decade, year by year, and most importanty,
Moment by Moment.

Enjoy your day.  Enjoy your moments.  Before you know it, they will be your past.
Hope you enjoyed this pAst :)

Interactive:
What is the best thing about being in your 30's (or in some other decade) that you didn't expect when you were younger?   And as always, feel free to comment, even if it is not in response to the "interactive" question.

Off-Balance

Realizing I have not been very consistent with my blog posts so far in 2010 - sorry :(
And I havn't been very good at consistent "quiet times" with God, either.
But I have been pretty joyful.   Does that count?

Seems like I can only manage 2-3 things really well at a time -- and the rest slide.
Right now I feel I am doing really well in the following areas:
1) homeschool    
2) SS teacher,   and   
3) organizing the upcoming AWANA store (kids spend points they've earned on little prizes). 
(Oh - and #4 would have to be reading a really great book:  The Pillars of the Earth, by Ken Follet)

Quality play time with kids?  B-
Quality time with Dan?  B  (partially not my fault - work has kept him busy lately)
Clean House?   C+  (mainly 'cuz my Dad is visiting and doing dishes, and the kids do chores now)
Updating this blog?  B- (?)
Updating my family blog with pictures?   D
Exercise?  D

Yep, it is the age-old life balance thingy-majiggy.  (there is a much more intelligent word on the tip of my brain, but I am too time unbalanced right now to go look it up....)

How is everyone else doing with a balanced life in 2010?

First week of 2010

Wow!  Is it really already Thursday?
Thanks be to God, this week has been a good week.  Mind you, not all that super productive, but I figure just getting back in the swing of things is accomplishment enough this first week of the new year :)
Homeschooling is going well.  Only 1.5 meltdowns this week.  (That is 1 total meltdown from my kindergartner on Monday and a .5 meltdown from my 2nd-grader on Tuesday).  But then on Wednesday I saw (yet again) an answer to prayer concerning homeschool.  It was a simple prayer:  "Lord, help me find ways to make school interesting and fun today, amen."   Then, of course, I forgot about the prayer until I was prepping for the healthy food unit study during the kids' recess time.  Surfing the web for a nice food pyramid to print out, I came across a food pyramid rocket launch game. 
It was a total hit with the kids.  (I have added the site to the homeschool sub-blog sidebar under "games")
Thank you, Lord, for caring about the education of my children!
And, then that same day (yesterday) a good friend called me up and invited herself/husband over to our house to play a board game that evening.  (Their oldest can babysit their kids, so it made sense they come over here).  Anyway, that was an unexpected and really fun mid-week surprise! (I almost won..... lost to Dan)
Sooooo,
Just wanted to check in with you and let you know I have survived my first week of the new year.
May I even say it has been - joyful?!  :)

Thank You, God, for a joyful start to 2010 :)

Interactive:
Anyone else have unexpected surprises or blessings this first week of 2010 ?

Joy to my World

This is my last evening of freedom. 
Well, that is a bit over-dramatic as there will be more weekends and holidays, but my 2 week all-family staycation is rapidly drawing to a close :(

However, I am determined (at leat attempting to be determined) to have a positive outlook tomorrow morning.  Monday morning.  Monday morning after 16 days of vacation.  Getting up and out of pajamas by 8:00...... a.m.

I think one of the things God is laying on my heart recently is JOY.   You know, finding my happiness in HIM and in His blessings.  Joy in living.  I want people to look at me and see the Joy of the Lord - not some dour-faced, doomsday old prune.  I think know God wants the same for me.  He keeps sending me hints.  Christmas was just last week, so of course I expected to hear "Joy to the World" several times, but little darts of Joy keep poking through my conscience from every angle.  A song, a radio sermon, a blog posting.  Today I finally hung up the 2010 calendar.  Guess what the verse for January was?

Nehemiah 8:10 -- The Joy of the Lord is your strength.

Yep.  I guess I might as well submit now to what God is trying to teach me about joy.  My year is marked.
And I am glad.............er, I mean JOYFUL  :)

Here is to a Joyful 2010!

Interactive:
How have you been saying 2010?   
"Twenty-ten"   OR   "two-thousand ten"?   (No one says "Oh-ten", do they?   :)