Discussing the past, I thought perhaps we could chat a bit how family influences who we are as adults. Specifically our adult relationships. (Thanks, Keely, for the idea). I want to make it clear that I hold no degree in child or family psychology, so the following ideas really have no clout, whatsoever! ;)
I personaly feel the family environment in which we were raised plays a very important role in who we become as adults. Specifically, our adult relationships.
I think there are 3 main areas of influence: Economic, Personality, Spiritual. I've decided to break this up into 3 posts. Today I will focus on Economic.
Economic.
I know money can not buy happiness. But it can buy piano lessons, ice skating lessons, private schools, family vacations, and cultural functions (museums, sporting events, rodeos, concerts, zoos...). All of these experiences shape who a person becomes. I know, I know, the library is free and reading can take you on many learning adventures. But actually experiencing something is more powerful than reading about it. Hearing a CD recording of Mozart is an entirely different experience than playing it for yourself. Reading about Europe and personally seeing, hearing,breathing, living in that culture for a few weeks are incomparable.
All this to say that a child's interests, rather - developement of his/her interests, are greatly influenced by the economic status of the family in which s/he grew up in. And interests lead to career choices and the way we enjoy life. (I can't go play the piano for relaxation if I don't know how) (I might not become a marine biologist if I never experienced a trip to the coast and stood knee deep in the ocean).
And the way we enjoy life influences the kind of friends we have. We tend to seek out others who have common interests and similar lifestyle. I think we could all agree that the lifestyle of the rich and famous is different than, shall we say, the lifestyle of me?!
This brings up another reason economic status influences our relationships. If I am a "saver" (due to growing up with little money and stuck in the mindset that money is limited), I am less likely to have close friends who enjoy flying to Las Vegas for regular girls' weekend get-aways. If I grew up with a ton of money and am used to buying whatever I want, whenever I want, it might not be a good idea to date a man who is happily employed as a social worker.
Having said all the above, please do not mis-read what I am saying. Can a child who never visited a zoo become a veteranarian? Certainly. Can a millionaire's daughter be happy in a loving marriage to a factory line worker? Absolutely. I just think the economic standing of a family influences the probablity of such things occuring.
Interactive:
What do you think? How did the economic standing of your childhood family influence your adult relationships?
Before Keely asks me, I'll answer the question myself:
We did not have much money at all growing up. It limited my experiences. I was unable to participate in school trips. There was no money for piano lessons, let alone a piano to play on. Vacations were camping in local parks, not trips across the country to visit historical landmarks. We didn't have a 3,000- sq foot home on 5 acres of prime land. (most people don't, I know...) ANYWAY, I think I tend to be more of a saver. I wouldn't pair well with a husband who was a spender. (Dan is a saver, as well).
Adversely (probably discounting everything I said in this post...) the lack of travel and money for eating out has probably amplified my love of exploring and trying new things. I love to travel and go out to eat at nicer restaraunts. It was important to me to marry a man who would A) have a reasonable chance of making pretty good money, reliably over time so I could enjoy these things and B) a man who was interested in travel and , well - eating. (This may not totally relate to money, but it is nice to afford eating at nice restaraunts and try new, culturally diverse foods with my husband).
Also, I think some of the deep-seeded desire I have for a really nice house stems from the lack of a really nice house as a child. Perhaps I would be more content if I weren't secretly trying to achieve something missing from childhood. (and perhaps that is just an excuse and I need to get over it!)
Now, having said all that, I do not feel I had a horrible childhood and never got to do anything. I loved to read - which is almost free. There were travel mission trips I was able to go on through our church (church fundraising). Joking and laughter is always free. I know true love and happiness is not bought with money, but rather on God's love and the love of family that accepts you for who you are, not what you can buy.
So basically, I know nothing about how economic status of your childhood affects your adult relationships.
There are too many variables.
Thanks, Keely, I feel less smart than I did a few moments ago. (can I blame it on my lower economic class childhood?) :)
Just because at this point it would be weird if I didn't, I want to comment. But you'll be happy to learn (heehee) that I've had a long day today and don't have as much to say.
ReplyDeleteI love reading your perspective on this stuff. I love your transparency.
I agree. I was not rich by ANY stretch of the term. But until recently, i was NOT a saver. I think that's because while in you, the lack of money growing up caused you to realize money didn't grow on trees, it cause ME to want more and get it however I could. (I mean credit.)
But, because of my dad's job and grandparents, I did go on lots of family vacations. Somehow, I don't know how, my parents provided piano lessons (and a piano) for me. And my mom got to stay home with us. (Another post for a different day, but WOW did that impact my life and decisions as a parent.)
As a realtor, showing property allowed me the opportunity to see lots of different homes, decorations, cars, things which were often times more than I had or could (ever) afford. I'd constantly compare their's to what I had and became very discontent. When my kids began talking about "when we move" and our "next" house, I became convicted by that verse, "be content with such things as you have" and began praying that direction.
I'm happy to say that I'm perfectly content. In fact, i realize how disgustingly spoiled and blessed I am. Mostly as an american, not really specifically compared to others, although, even then I suppose that's true. I'm so very thankful for every piece of junk I have. I'm working now to store my treasures up in heaven. and yes, there are still times I struggle with wanting, but for the most part, I'm content.
Now to work on my generousity... baby steps.
Love you.
Perhaps a vivid, healthy imagination is developed, and creativity thrives when everything is not handed to a child. More than the annual far-away vacations, more than having the longed-for piano lessons (which parents grieve over because they are not able to provide these things for their children for whom they would sacrifice everything but the bare necessities for family survival: food, clothing, shelter) is teaching one's child kindness for the downcast, honesty when it would be seemingly less painful to lie one's way out of a situation, humility in a proud world, defending those who cannot stand up for themselves, interceding for others, even the "ugly" people in one's life, being discerning when it comes to choosing one's friends and those whom you will date and ultimately marry,encouraging those in our spheres of influence who feel they cannot go on, developing a good work ethic and thus appreciating what one earns, confessing our errors when rationalizing our actions/words is the easier solution to our own ugliness, a hatred for injustice...standing by truth no matter the cost, choosing to forgive vs holding a grudge and punishing, exemplifying a personal relationship with Jesus on a consistent basis....these are the things that equip one for life, no matter the station. GOD gives us the desires of our hearts...which may come about purposefully by the circumstances in which HE places or allows us.
ReplyDeleteI too, grew up with "nothing"...but my mom taught me simple faith...to have faith like a child. Priceless. It has served me well.
All that to say that it is possible for a child to thrive under diverse economic situations, with or without the worldly experiences that we would all like to enjoy. I know you agree with me, my dear Susie.
I am so grateful that you are passing your faith and the traits mentioned above, on to your precious charges entrusted to you and Dan. You, my precious daughter, are an adventurous spirit and a lover of life. I love that about you. You make the most of any station in life in which you are placed. And you bring life to a lot of dead places. I love who you are.
Mama