Empathy Gone Wrong

empathy:  the action of understanding, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another without having  those feelings, thoughts, experiences fully communicated in an explicit manner.  (Websters)

Oh.  My Bad.

I thought empathy gave me the right to jump in a conversation and tell my similar story.

I'm not sure how I got the notion telling my stories = empathy.  I guess I thought empathy meant being able to relate to someone through a similar experience.  Sympathy just means you feel sorry for someone, but empathy means you've lived it yourself.  You feel that person's pain.  So when a friend tells her story, I jump in with my similar one to show that I can relate.  I know what their going through.

The problem with my view?  I start listening to other people as a way to talk about me.  
Shameful.

I don't think I've gone this far, but I fear it might if I don't stop:

          Friend:  "I've had a horrible week.  My husband got laid off work on Wednesday, my son is in the hospital with kidney failure, our beloved cat of 18 years died last night, and I'm 100 pounds overweight."

          Britt:  "Yah - I know what you mean.  When Ethan was little, we had to put him on a bilirubin blanket 'cuz he was jaundice.  That was tough.  And two months ago our pet goldfish died.  I'm surprised he lasted a year, actually.  And UGH!  Don't you just hate getting swimsuit ready?  I do, too.  If I could only lose these last 5 pounds!  I'm so glad Dan still has his job.  Let's pray right now about your husband finding a job, OK?"
        
I would like to publicly apologize to Jenny, Kim, and Kelly for being empathetic (yet again) Saturday night.
I am now aware I do this and am trying to stop.  Please help me....... but be gentle.  :)

Soap Sculpture Idol

Anyone else remember making soap bar carvings in elementary art class?
I do.  It was fun.  Probably why I still have the memory floating around in my brain.
Anyhoo -
While praying this morning, I had a bit of confession time with God over my failing to keep HIM real and alive in my life.  My prayer went something like this:

    "God, Thank You for being a real, live God.  Not some stone statue or idol made from rock.
        (oh, that was redundant - I'll try better....)  Thank you that You are not a wooden idol
     on a shelf or some soap sculpture idol.  (Whoa - soap sculpture?  Where did that come from?)"

The more I thought about it, the more soap sculpture idol made sense.  That is how I often treat God.

* Soap is easy to carve.  I fool myself into thinking I can make God into who I want Him to be.  Carve Him into an image of my choosing.

* I only use soap when I am dirty.   All too often I forget about God until I am dirty and need cleansed.

* Soap smells good --- and tastes bad.  I enjoy the fragrance of Christ.  The idea of getting close to Him.  But I'm hesitant to "taste and see that the Lord is good".  The idea of Christ appeals to me.... but do I really want to take a bite, so to speak???  

I realize this analogy is imperfect.  Because when I really do taste God-Soap; it is delicious and satisfying.  Then again, maybe it does work.  Afterall - the soap version of God is an idol. 

God isn't a soap idol - He is living and breathing.  He is the bread of life..... And I love bread :)

Dog Days of Summer

I need to apologize for my infrequent posting lately.
[For an update on this past weekend, see this post]
This week, I really can blame it on Hershey... and swim lessons.  Trying to figure out our new schedule.

But prior to this week, I have no excuses.  It is summer, for crying out loud.  I should have more time.
I'm perplexed at the following formula:
   a (more time)  + b (less activities to do)   =  c  (get even less done)

If anyone can help me with the above equation, it would be appreciated!!!  :)
Hope you are enjoying your summer.

Weekend Update

* My Birthday went well.  I successfully turned 1 year older.

* Cherry Festival was fun.  But rides way over priced and I kinda expected more cherry delicacies to taste.  The kids and I enjoyed splitting a $3 cup of Bing cherries, though.

* Had a WONDERFUL time with Uncle Les and Aunt Rosie

*  Hershey is home!  He is SUCH a good puppy! Still.... he is a puppy.....  :)
* On the downside, I Wife-FAILED Dan on the whole Father's Day "thing". 
     - I had to drum at church, so Dan had "get-kids-ready-for-church-by-myself" duty
     - I did not get him a present (although this is his fault, really.  He is hard to buy for, and any gift certificates rarely ever get cashed in.  I wanted to buy him a professional massage - but his manager schedule is soooo busy, I didn't know when to schedule it!) 
     -  I lost his card.  Still can't find it.
     -  We picked up the new puppy on Fathers Day afternoon (so much for relaxing).
     - However, I did give him a nice back rub that evening.
   

Whirlwind

...  This is whirlwind semi-picked up!

This past Friday night my friend's 3 kids (same age as our 3) spent the night.  I wish I could blame them for the state of my house, but I can't.  They were all 3 well behaved and a fun time was had by all.

Sunday was church followed by a picnic and new officer election meeting.

Monday evening we went and selected which English Setter puppy we wanted.   We are naming him "Hershey".  Isn't he cute?

We will bring Hershey home on Sunday afternoon. (Happy Father's Day, Dan)  ;)

Tonight and tomorrow morning Dan and I are attending a marriage seminar. 

Tomorrow afternoon we drive an hour north for a cherry festival.

We are also going to meet up with Dan's Uncle Les for supper.

Whirlwind of a weekend!

That reminds me.  The picture at the top of this post is due to home school.  I'm going through last years papers, new supplies, and trying to organize them on the dining room bookshelf in a some-what puppy-resistant manner.

Unfortunately, before things look better, they look messier :(

My thanks to good friend, Jenny, for watching my kids yesterday so I could make the above mess!

Letter to God - #1

Dear God,
Just wanted to drop you a quick note to say everything on my end is fine.
Especially now that my nasty head cold is going away and this morning marks two days in a row of sunshine.
Thanks, by the way.  (...it's about time...)
Quick favor.  I need help discerning which puppy to get.  I want to make the right choice as this is a big, long-term commitment.  I have prayed about his before, haven't I?  Sometimes I think I've taken an issue to You, and later realize I just told people I'm praying about it......
Anyhoo- other than the whole 'puppy' thing, I've got life under control for now.  I'll check in later when I think of something else I need.
Love Ya,
Britt.

Feeling Under the Weather

A mostly cloudy forecast......

I've had a pretty nasty head cold this past week.  Starting to feel a bit better today, though, thank the Lord.

I'm sure this unusual rainy, chilly, windy weather is not helping.  I think there have been maybe 10 nice days in the past month and a half.  Very atypical.   And this weather has me fooled.  I don't believe it's summer yet.  Therefore my mind and body have yet to get serious about swimsuit season coming up.  Not good.

.... with hints of Sun....

Yesterday was a nice day. 

I potted strawberries and 1 blueberry bush.  I had 3 blueberry bushes at one time.  Between my procrastination, the bad weather, and my brown thumb..... only 1 survived.  Here is a picture of my strawberries.  

I took it this morning.... it's raining again.

Yesterday also provided an opportunity for a brief visit with Dan's Uncle Dale (pictured).  Stay with me here, if you can.  Dan's dad (Lyle) has two living brothers - Dale and Les.  All 3 brothers live in Iowa.

* Several months ago, Uncle Les called to say he and his wife were visiting distant relatives in Idaho the weekend of June 19th.  We made plans to meet up with them. 

* Early this Spring, Dan's parents (Lyle and Sherry) informed us they were going to come out for a visit the tail end of June/ 4th of July.  Great :)

* Just a few days ago we discovered Uncle Dale has a good friend and they decided to fly out and visit her family here in Idaho.  We met up with Uncle Dale and his friend last night at the park.

*Sooooo - within 3 weeks, Dan and I will have seen all three brothers (Dale, Lyle, Larry) from Iowa, out here in Idaho, but for different reasons!

CRAZY!  

Saturday Funnies

(Sorry didn't post yesterday - had a nasty sinus cold)

Would you like a little light-hearted reading for your weekend?
Then might I suggest the following 3 websites.  They make me laugh. Good, clean fun, too.

1) Stuff Christians Like - by Jonathan Acuff.   I've mentioned his site before.  If you haven't gone there - do so now.

2) TylerStanton.com - by Tyler Stanton.  This is the same guy in the funny "Trip and Tyler" video clips.

3)  Consider the "Trip and Tyler" videos a "bonus" link.  :)

4) BryanAllain.com - by Brian Allain


I'm realizing these are all sites with men authors.  Anyone know of a great female-run comedic blog?

Enjoy your weekend!!!

Tips from 12 Years of Marriage

This past Sunday Dan and I celebrated 12 years of marriage! 
One woman commented on my FB page, "You're off to a great start"  (She's been married 46 years!)
Do you realize the current divorce rate is 33% ?!? 
Even in the Christian community.  One-in-three marriages will end in divorce.

While I don't consider myself a marital wisdom expert, I am reaching a point that I need to follow Titus 2:4.   "[older women] train the younger women to love their husbands..."  Perhaps if more of us in good, healthy relationships spoke up, together we can reverse that ugly statistic above.

Tips from 12 Years of a Happy Marriage.  (From a Wife's perspective)

1) Go in to marriage believing it is a life-contract. 
Shortly after Dan and I first wed, we attended a marriage seminar.  The pastor spoke from 13 years of marriage experience and I wondered what it would be like when Dan and I reached 13 years.
Did you catch that?  I wondered what it would be like when - not if.   Sure, a lifetime committment is scary.  I admit to a couple panic attacks that first year of marriage, thinking, "What have I done?  I can't just break-up with him!  This is a marriage.  A sacred covenant between Dan, me, and God!" 

2) Respect Your Husband       ".... and the wife must respect her husband."  Ephesians 5:33
Notice the period.  The verse doesn't read, "Respect him if he does the dishes, if he tells you how beautiful you are, if he makes lots of money". 
Respect is defined as i)giving paticular attenion to (consideration) or b) a high or special regard (esteem).
In all my thoughts and actions I should consider Dan.  What would show him special regard?  I admit I fall short on this one.  Too often I find myself chatting with girlfriends and before I know it, I'm complaining how Dan didn't buy me this, or Dan has yet to do chores ABC on my honey-do list.  Or maybe it is in front of the kids I Husband Respect FAIL.  I try not to, but it happens. I'll "correct" him and belatedly realize, that underminded his authority as the head of our household. 
I need to build him up - not tear him down.... especially in front of others.

3) Outserve your Husband.
All too often I fall in the trap of, "Why isn't Dan doing "X" for me?!?
First, that's a recipe for discontent.  I need to focus on the postive.  All the things Dan does do for me.
Secondly, I don't really want to step on the balancing scales of what "he does" versus  "I do".  Dan will win.
Serving is an act of love.  I love my husband.  Therefore I should want to serve him.  Little things like packing his lunch.  Making sure the kids pick up their yard toys before he mows.  Bringing in the trash cans.  Massaging his shoulders when late at night he mentions how sore they are.... just after I've gotten comfy and I am SO tired I just want to go to sleep!
I need to worry about my end of the service bargain - not Dan's.

4) Date Nights.  Every Week.
No Money?  No problem.  A date night can be as simple as playing a game, watching a DVD, going for a walk.  Sharing a tub of Ben and Jerry's ice cream.  The key?!?!  No kids.  Hiring a babysitter and going out on the town is wonderful and should be done as often as financially possible... but it is not necessary.   There is a reason God invented early bedtimes for children.  Even if the kids have to read for an hour in their bedroom.  Do what it takes to ensure you and your spouse have regular alone time to re-connect as adults.  As friends.  As romantically interested friends-plus.  ;)

There are others I've left off this list.  There is so much, in fact, that entire books have been written on marriage. 
I highly recommend "5 Love Languages" and "Love and Respect" and "His Needs, Her Needs"

I can't end this post until I mention how much I love my husband.  Dan loves God, is honest, trustworty, and faithful.  He provides financially.  He treats me with kindness, gentleness, and never belittles me.  He helps around the house and is active in raising our 3 children. 
Sure, he has his faults.  (I mentioned that honey-do list, didn't I?)
Dan isn't perfect ........ but neither is his wife  :)

Interaction:
What are your must-know marriage tips???? 
Afterall, I'm only 12 years into this thing.... and I'd like to make it another 66+.